Friday, December 4, 2009

Love Reigns

One of the things made crystal clear on my journey of the past few years is that everyone is carrying burdens that we seldom see or understand. As friends and acquaintances have generously listened to my story and shared their own, I have become much more compassionate and aware of the deep level of pain that accompanies us on this journey. I'm also inspired by the incredible resilience and belief in joy that seems to reside within each of us.

This morning I received the following message from a friend who is going through loss ... loss of her spouse, her home, her financial security and the dream of "grow old along with me, the best is yet to be." I think her cleansing ritual might inspire all of us and she gave me permission to share it.

From Alma (not her real name):
Thanksgiving was painful. I wept and felt all the despair and grief that had accumulated thru my lifetime. There was nothing to distract me, nothing on TV, my cold kept me from wanting food, my body was weak and my mind tired. I slept sound that night and woke feeling still a bit weary, some energy had returned and I just knew I needed to start cleaning this house. By the afternoon I had washed all the windows and sorted thru my closet. Saturday I washed everything down, doors, walls, shelves, chairs, and Sunday I mopped, vacuumed and polished. Then I decided to perform a clearing ceremony. I bought this big smudge stick made of sage, I lit it and went into ever corner of the house, especially all the chairs and the bedroom. My intention was to chase out fear and invite love in.

I didn’t know to open the windows and doors and so I sat in my smoke filled house and went to sleep that night. It was awful, I kept hearing noises and felt dark demon’s in the house, I had nightmares that woke me. All the while I was affirming that I was all right that nothing can harm me, and I recited the heart sutra my friend had told me about. "Form is emptiness and emptiness is form. Feeling is emptiness and emptiness is feeling." The meaning of it escaped me, but I said it nonetheless. The morning came none too soon and I could not wait to open all the windows and doors and affirm that all fear is leaving the house and that love remains. I didn’t care that it was in the low 30’s outside. I didn’t feel the cold, only the clearing of the space.

I think it worked. The house feels clean, fresh, open, clear. While I was cleaning I listened to “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. I didn’t turn on the TV until late, wrote in my journal, affirmations, a gratitude list and a manifestation list. I watched “The Secret” and am reading “A Course in Miracles" again.

In my gratitude list I state: “ I am grateful for the forgiveness I am granting him and therefore me for all past mistakes”. It is so clear to me that my own guilt about my past has reigned my life and when my husband did what he did I was able to be outraged at who he is and what he has done to me, although I know quite well that I have carried my very own bundle of guilt with me and that I have had this very outrage towards myself all of my life.

Something has clearly shifted. I left the house today glad that it was clean and clear and that my husband will be able to enjoy the house when he comes home. I think of him with a smile on my face and tears of soft emotions in my eyes and a lightness in my heart. I don’t know what that means and I am not going to draw any conclusions and I have no real urgency to take any action. Eckhart talked about living in the now. I am working on that. It somehow seems that everything is going to be okay. Faith has returned. Love reigns.

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