Monday, July 12, 2010
Italy or Not?
Chopra calls this quest to fill that deepest hunger the search for the pearl beyond price, the breath of God, the water of life. He states: "Finding the hidden dimensions in yourself is the only way to fulfill your deepest hunger."
It makes me wonder if this might be the underlying cause of a skirmish that often plays its way through me. It happened again yesterday. I am a spontaneous creature but I'm also a practical person. Yesterday, while I was taking a break from unpacking, I discovered an Italy tour with David Whyte, one of my favorite poets. It sounds incredible ... a chance to spend time with someone who has great wisdom and frames it in words that are lovely and deep ... a chance to spend time in a beautiful place where I've never been. But, it's expensive. And, I haven't even finished moving in and I'm already starting to think about a journey away. What is this?
Part of me says "go while you can" and part of me says "why can't you be happy staying at home and save all that money?" Today I was talking with a wise friend about relationships with emotionally unavailable people, which, of course, don't tend to be very satisfactory. I said my insight from my share of those types of relationships was that I need to be emotionally available to myself. But, I'm not sure I know how to do that. Then I began to wonder what keeps us from being emotionally available ... and the answer came up ... duh! ... fear. But, what fear would keep me from being emotionally available to myself?
An online article states: If you are attracting unavailable partners, there is something unavailable in you. And I believe that. It further states: How available are you to yourself on a deep level? Our relationship with others is but a reflection of our relationship with our inner self. Reflect on what you may be running away from within yourself with your endless external activities. Is the thought of going to Italy ... which surfaced even before the storage pod parked outside my door has been unloaded ... just me running from myself, throwing up distractions to avoid the deeper work of being emotionally available?
Do I really want to go to Italy? Or is this a manifestation of the secret hunger to know the unknown dimensions of myself, to know the breath of God? Would I find these things in Italy? Or, would the trip just be an expensive ... albeit lovely ... distraction?
Posted by Joyce Wycoff at 7:11 AM
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You are so lovely!ReplyDelete
and.... could it be you want to travel and explore the world out there to lighten up the world inside?
Could it be, the only reason to go to Italy is because you want to?
could it be... the reason doesn't matter? The doing is the fun part.
LOL -- these are all questions I ask myself. And am finally breathing into the reality of my unavailability within. It's because I'm always asking myself the question -- is this me or is it someone else.
what if.... I just accept it's me and breathe into that?
thank you my lovely friend. You are an inspiration, a breath of fresh air and... a wonderfully emotionally available friend.
I am working on that emotional availability, and trying to be able to recognize when I have that instinct to run away...I would love to just drop everything and go traveling, but my reality is that I have to stay grounded, and do the work here before I can be free to move about...lolReplyDelete
Remember that 60th birthday celebration I said I want to give myself in 2012? Well, I want to have it in Italy and with my friends who are women. So, you're invited even if you go now to Italy. And if you go now to Italy you'll have wonderful art to make and lots of great stories to tell.ReplyDelete
I love the fresh air.
Louise ... thanks for the questions that have made me look at it a whole new way ...ReplyDelete
Maureen ... I could be your birthday scout ...
Annie ... maybe we should make an Italy date for your 40th ...
Um-I'm going with you and Maureen. Hello........wait for me! Celebrations are fun. Nice ruminating, Joyce. Questions are good.ReplyDelete