Perseverance

"And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -- Anais Nin

Maureen at Writing without Paper shared information today about Meg Wheatley's new book:  Perseverance.  Maureen does a lovely job of introducing the book which will be out in September.

Characteristic of Meg, she is generously offering a free 8-week email taste of the new book which you can sign up by clicking here.

Perseverance is an important topic, one that we sometimes put aside because it normally means keeping on even when times get tough.  But that's when perseverance is most needed.  Several years ago I wrote a poem on Perseverance after I saw the Chinese ideogram in a catalog.  I thought I needed it then but I've found it's a reoccurring need, so every so often I re-read the poem to strengthen my decision to keep on keeping on.  Here it is and may it bring you strength also.

Perseverance

Two hundred years ago today Nanzan brushed
perseverance on a scroll and added his chop.
Did he know I would need that message
on this very day when my spirit dropped?

What was he doing on that day
long ago that focused him so
on this one word among all others?

I see him sitting there, brush in hand,
ink pots ready, rice paper stretched flat:
His heart dripping rejection onto the paper,
His mind retracing the long, circular track.

What dream had just died?  What
long-held belief turned brown on that
winter day?  Which lover walked away?

See him as his chest rises on a deep
inhale and releases in a day-long sigh.
He looks around, sees what no longer is,
Picks up his brush and puts away why.

What brings him back to this place 
of paper and ink?  What solace is there
in this forming of art from pain?

We see him bent over the page, characters
flowing, his graceful, steady hand 
sending his only gift down the days and
hours straight into the waiting pool of our minds.         

What bridge carries his touch across two
hundred years to give me the strength
to pick up my choices once more?

(c) Joyce Wycoff, 2007

The Illusion of Nothing

Today's post from Louise at Recover Your Joy  titled "Turning Away from Nothing" began with this quote from John Muir:  "When we tug at a single thing in nature, we find it attached to the rest of the world."  Her words threw sparks into the my own bubbling cauldron, resulting in the following:

The Illusion of Nothing

I once had an illusion and believed it was Love. 
Till it curled away like smoke in a gentle breeze,
I tucked the last wisp and my confusion
Into a tiny box placed on a dark, hidden shelf.

Years later, the box reappeared and,
When opened, the illusion flew into the light,
Sparkling and radiating bright new colors.
Once again, I believed it was Love. 

Too soon, it spiraled off into the morning fog
Leaving only Confusion in a hollow,
forgotten place I thought no longer existed.

This time, though, I do not stuff it in a box.
I do not turn away from it.
I fall into its nothingness.
I fall for a thousand years
Until I feel the soft center of Self
And know that this is no illusion.
This is Love, eternal, real ... everything.

Water

It's gratitude Sunday and I just came back from kayaking on Bass Lake so this week's gratitude is water.  How fortunate most of us are to have clean drinking water and lakes, rivers and streams that invite recreation and renew our spirits. After the BP oil spill in the gulf, there is an even deeper feeling of gratitude for this abundant and life-supporting gift.

But what is this stuff we call water and know from grade-school science as H2O?  It turns out that even scientists don't know everything about this most basic substance and it has some very strange properties.  Livescience.com states:

• The solid form floats on the liquid form. This property also explains why water pipes will burst when they freeze - something opposite of nearly every other simple substance. Mercury thermometers, for instance, do not explode when the temperature drops below the freezing point of mercury.

• The temperatures at which water boils and freezes are both higher than other molecules of similar size.

• Water has a large heat capacity; it can take in a lot of heat without its temperature increasing very much. This makes it an especially good coolant for a car radiator, and it's the main reason temperatures are moderate for coastal communities - as the ocean is slow to cool down or warm up.

• The high surface tension of water - its tendency to fight being pulled apart - explains why it forms droplets and why it climbs up the sides of a straw. It may also play a part in how the water strider walks on water.

Perhaps even stranger, there is a widely-held belief that water holds memory.  While not completely accepted by the scientific community, it is creating a lot of conversation and controversy.  Below is an interesting video telling the story of this thinking (this is just the first part of a multi-part series).  In the meantime, it's probably enough to marvel at this mysterious substance that forms most of our world and our own bodies ... and be grateful for it ... whatever it is.

Zebra Medicine

Yesterday morning I mentioned the zebra and showed a picture of him.  Since I've spent a lot of time and effort getting the zebra, moving him around, getting him a new coat of color and finding just the right spot on the deck for him, I decided he might have more to tell me.

The backstory:  Almost four years ago, I was walking through my new neighborhood when I saw zebra sitting on a shady rock.  I fell in love instantly and always enjoyed seeing him on my walks.  But then the neighbors moved and left him behind.  So I asked the new neighbors if they wanted him and they weren't sure.  They left for a long while and he was out in the cold and rain so I zebra-napped him and left a check on the neighbor's door and told them to call me to bring him back or to keep the check if they didn't want him.  They never called so he went with me to Arkansas and then Colorado.  By the time we got back to California, he was in the sorry state you see here.

Since I was working with Minarets High School, I asked the art teacher if any of her students would be willing to give him a face lift.  She said yes and I donated some money for art supplies and he became a multi-colored zebra.  When I looked online for "zebra medicine," I find that the primary message is individuality and balance and seeing in black and white, clarity without filters (see below for full message).  Zebra's stripes protect him as he blends into his surroundings but also identify him since each zebra's stripes are as unique as fingerprints.  The stripes represent the balance of yin and yang, harmony and enable us to see a deeper truth.

Without knowing it, I've been carrying around a power animal.  Here are some highlights from the message below:

• Zebras enjoy challenge as they know that all challenges are a chance for growth.
• Questioning reality and illusion is common amongst people with zebra medicine ...
• The zebras pattern of black on white, or white on black implies that what you see is not always what you get. Occult knowledge seen and unseen, dimensional shifts, new journeys and worldly endeavours are all aspects of this.
• Zebras seek balance in what they do, and they are sure of themselves, standing confidently in the middle of opposing forces.
• When the zebra comes into your life, change is signified in one or more areas of your life and hidden knowledge will be uncovered. Stand strong, develop trust and simply flow with the rhythm of a new creation.

Now my question is:  What have I done by changing him from his black and white self to a multi-colored zebra?  Does he still have his magic?  Does he still have his balance?  He's no longer black and white ... he's black and pink and yellow and blue and purple.  Does he like that?

Looking at another site for other interpretations, I find that zebra does not like to stand out and be judged.  Maybe by going to a multi-colored zebra, it's an indication that I'm ready to stand out and be judged.

Perhaps the message that I like best is:  The zebra will also teach you how to seek out others who are like you, finding comfort and company in groups, while maintaining your own unique identity, your pattern of stripes like a fingerprint, unlike any other.  This combination of individuality within community will be a very powerful force in your life.

Universal Whisperings

It's Saturday.  Most of the boxes are unpacked and the basics are working ... kitchen, bedroom, computer.  Missy and I took a long walk this morning and I'm in a state of lassitude (def:  a condition of indolent indifference), sitting in a shady spot on the deck, listening to neighborhood sounds, catching up on blog entries, doing as close to nothing as one can and still be awake.  Lynne's step-father calls it the "don't wanna ... don't gotta" state.  I like that.

For at least awhile, I'm dropping out, shutting down, doing what my body wants, allowing my attention to flit from the psychedelic, blue-eyed zebra, to the light and shadow dance of green leaves against blue sky, to Missy's curly white body sleeping on the deck.  The morning is gradually warming up to hot and soon I'll have to leave the deck for the comfort of air-conditioning.  But, for right now, this moment of indolent indifference is absolute perfection.

I've been trying to make a decision about going to Italy in September.  There's a lot about the trip that appeals to me:  being with poet David Whyte, hiking through the Tuscan landscape, being with a group of, most-likely, interesting people.  But, I'm hesitating.  Partly because of money.  Partly because I'm not sure it's what I really want to do.  In some ways it feels more like something I *should* want to do.  In this moment of pure, indulgent "beingness," it feels like zipping off to Italy might be chasing something that could be right here in my own backyard.

At the beginning of this year, I had two "readings" ... one astrology and one numerology.  I was struck by how consistent the messages were and have been watching the progression of the year in relationship to the readings as my own experiment in the validity of these ways of accessing information.  Both show September as being a significant month and the astrology reading calls out 9/14 as a particularly significant date.  That happens to be the first day of the Italy tour ... it also happens to be my granddaughter Ava's birthday.  The reading emphasizes that this is a time of internal movement triggered by external aspects and that it heralds an extremely powerful emotional change. And the numerology reading says it is a time to play and to do anything to become more of who I am.

Those messages seem to reinforce the idea of going on the tour.  However, there are many ways both of these messages could play out so I've been trying to think of other ways to honor the information offered by them.  For now, I've decided to just be patient and wait for something to give me a clear signal.  So perhaps this indulgent morning on my new deck isn't just being lazy, perhaps it's getting quiet enough to allow the Universe to whisper in my ear.

Sky above Clouds

Something happened to me when I turned 50 and it was just as significant as the change that happened on my 13th birthday when suddenly everything ... everything! ... irritated me.  The change at 50 was just as unexpected.  After a life-time of being fascinated by creativity ... other people's creativity ... but thinking it had nothing to do with me, it was like someone grabbed my ear and said, "You will listen to me ... now!"  I started taking workshops, writing poetry, making art and wondering if, just possibly, I really did have creativity within me.

I thought this was an unusual experience but I've been listening to a lecture by Dr. Gene Cohen (bio below) talking about aging and creativity and it probably isn't unusual at all.  He cites a lot of studies that show that under certain circumstances, the brain continues to grow and develop as we age.  The circumstances that turn on the brain's growth mechanism are having a stimulating challenge that requires learning in a social situation that is also fun.  But the part of his lecture that really struck me was his discussion about the "liberation phase" which shows up for most people around age 50.

This phase arrives after we have accumulated enough life experience, ideas, facts, concepts and mistakes to shift into a different way of looking at the world.  Cohen says that this phase is launched with "... friendly, inner metaphorical voices that are asking:  If not now, when?  Why not? and What can they do to me?  These are very empowering feelings.  They give people the comfort, confidence and courage to try something new."

He says we need new metaphors for aging and the possibilities that lie within us in the later stages of life.  He offers one from a story of Georgia O'Keeffe's life.  Apparently she had a strong fear of flying which she finally conquered in her 70s and it launched her into one of her most productive periods which included a series of paintings called "Sky above Clouds."  It is a powerful metaphor for me because I remember my first plane ride when we climbed through the clouds and I saw the floor of puffy white clouds and the blue sky and sunshine all around us.  It was a shock to realize that when we're on the ground experiencing a gray and dreary day that above the clouds there is a completely different world.

According to Cohen, the liberation phase and the surge of creativity that comes with it is a normal part of the aging process.  And, the process of exercising our creativity, stimulates brain growth.  So, paint, write, sing, play music, plant a garden, invent a new widget, improvise a new recipe, quilt, scrapbook, paint purple pansies in your kitchen ... or whatever your muse calls you to do.  The beauty of later life creativity is that there are fewer expectations so you get to just do it because it's fun. 

Plus, creativity is good for you ... and it's good for our world.  What metaphor do you have for the later stage of life?

Biography:  Gene D. Cohen, M.D., Ph.D. is the first Director of the Center on Aging, Health & Humanities (established 1994)at George Washington University (GW), where he also holds the positions of Professor of Health Care Sciences and Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. Author of The Mature Mind.  His lecture is at http://www.cctv.org/watch-tv/programs/creativity-later-life-dr-gene-cohen.  It's long and a little slow but there is some very good material in it.

Italy or Not?

"The deepest hunger in life is a secret that is revealed only when a person is willing to unlock a hidden part of the self."-- Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets

Chopra calls this quest to fill that deepest hunger the search for the pearl beyond price, the breath of God, the water of life.  He states:  "Finding the hidden dimensions in yourself is the only way to fulfill your deepest hunger."

It makes me wonder if this might be the underlying cause of a skirmish that often plays its way through me.  It happened again yesterday.  I am a spontaneous creature but I'm also a practical person.  Yesterday, while I was taking a break from unpacking, I discovered an Italy tour with David Whyte, one of my favorite poets.  It sounds incredible ... a chance to spend time with someone who has great wisdom and frames it in words that are lovely and deep ... a chance to spend time in a beautiful place where I've never been.  But, it's expensive.  And, I haven't even finished moving in and I'm already starting to think about a journey away.  What is this?

Part of me says "go while you can" and part of me says "why can't you be happy staying at home and save all that money?"  Today I was talking with a wise friend about relationships with emotionally unavailable people, which, of course, don't tend to be very satisfactory.  I said my insight from my share of those types of relationships was that I need to be emotionally available to myself.  But, I'm not sure I know how to do that.  Then I began to wonder what keeps us from being emotionally available ... and the answer came up ... duh! ... fear.  But, what fear would keep me from being emotionally available to myself?

An online article states:   If you are attracting unavailable partners, there is something unavailable in you.  And I believe that. It further states:  How available are you to yourself on a deep level? Our relationship with others is but a reflection of our relationship with our inner self. Reflect on what you may be running away from within yourself with your endless external activities.  Is the thought of going to Italy ... which surfaced even before the storage pod parked outside my door has been unloaded ... just me running from myself, throwing up distractions to avoid the deeper work of being emotionally available?

Do I really want to go to Italy?  Or is this a manifestation of the secret hunger to know the unknown dimensions of myself, to know the breath of God?  Would I find these things in Italy?  Or, would the trip just be an expensive ... albeit lovely ... distraction?