Informed or Affected?

Louise at Recovery Your Joy, included this in her post this morning and it was so meaningful to me that I wanted to share it.

Ken Wilber, philosopher, psychologist and a founder of the Integral Institute, suggests that when a person or thing in our environment informs us, when we receive what is happening as information or a point of interest, we probably aren't projecting. On the other hand, if what they are doing, or what is happening affects us, if we're pointing our fingers and judging or we're "plugged in" in ways that engage our emotions negatively, chances are that we are a victim of our own projections.

Recently I think I've been more affected than informed.  I've found myself in conversations about banks, Arizona, tax rates and other political issues where I was definitely being judgmental and affected, getting riled up about things that I had no intention of trying to actually change.  I was just venting my projection.

So, now I'm going to stop ... or at least be more aware of the distinction between being informed and being affected.   I'm also going to try to stop passing my projections along to others.  It may be hard.  The "aren't the politicians (of whatever persuasion), the banks, the media ... the whatever ... stupid," is a form of socializing and bonding but it is also projecting all that venom across the landscape.  My game stops here.

Lust? Sloth? Pride? Gluttony? Be Gone All of Ye!

Evil thoughts about your neighbor?  Lustful musings about a cute behind?  Feel guilty about sneaking the last lemon creme out of the Valentine's box?  Worry no more, wipe the slate clean by confessing to the blessed mother Gabby who promises you redemption and a squeaky clean soul.  You don't even have to slip into a confessional ... just head over to http://blessmegabby.blogspot.com/ and confess away.  What could be easier?

Political (or Religious) Disclosure:  I've already confessed my sin of irreverence ... please forgive me if I have offended you in any way.

About the image:  A view from the Stations of the Cross at San Luis, Colorado

Possibility

Thought for today:

"If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible.  Pleasure disappoints, possibility never." 
  -- Soren Kierkegaard

The Private Struggle of the Artist

"One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it.  Passersby see only a wisp of smoke rising from the chimney and continue on their way."
 -- Vincent Van Gogh

One of my favorite email newsletters comes from artist Robert Genn.  It's always full of tips and advice, not only on art techniques but on the life of an artist ... and life in general.  This morning he quotes a letter he received from Keith Wright, an Australian artist who despairs his life as an artist. "I have a studio full of paintings and a wife who denigrates my career. I have no money, no sales, no hope. I can no longer believe in myself because no one else believes in me." he says.

I look at his art and wonder why he's not selling ... his work is lovely.  And then I wonder at the thousands of artists who do not sell.  And, then, of course, I think of myself.  I haven't done art in almost four months.  I blame it on the move and the chaos of my life.  But, also, there's the fact that I had my first gallery showing and sold nothing.  Which is it that's keeping me away from creating art?

And, even deeper, why does our belief in our selves depend upon someone else believing in us? Genn talks about Van Gogh and his struggles with depression and belief in himself and offers a thought for today:

"Success or no success, joy or no joy, we are alone. And it is to this private struggle that we must consign our energy, our focus, and our lives.

Vincent tells us that one needs only to listen to the voice of nature to be fulfilled. That only the beautiful mind is needed. The idealist in us finds this to be true. The pragmatist doesn't. Vincent himself could not live up to his own standards. He too was depressed. 'What am I in most people's eyes?' he asked. 'A nonentity or an eccentric and disagreeable man?'

Truth is, when we're able to kiss off the expectations laid on us by ourselves and others, we have the chance to overcome." 

Kissing off the expectations of others ... a worthy goal ... and a timely reminder.  I just finished a project that did not meet the expectations of someone I wanted to please ... someone who is paying the bill.  The project can be reworked and I think we can get there but the lack of approval still stings.  I have to remind myself of the joy I had doing the project and that I did the best work I'm capable of doing.  That has to be enough.  I can only put out my best ... I can't be responsible for how it is received.

Unseen Perfection

What you can plan
is too small
for you to live.

What you can live
wholeheartedly
will make plans
enough
for the vitality
hidden in your sleep.

-- David Whyte, House of Belonging

A friend sent David Whyte's poem to me this morning and this part of it leapt off the page and said, "See this is what I've been trying to show you."

I've been trying to plan my way to where I wanted to go, scrambling around trying to make it become a reality.  Yesterday the universe tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Here's perfection ... it was coming your way all along, you just couldn't see it, couldn't believe it." 

Two months ago I fell in love with a house ... a spectacular house ... a house that was a stretch financially but I "bought" it and even posted a picture of the view here.  I flew into action, signing papers, digging up tax returns, speeding down the road toward the goal ... and hit a speed bump.  The inspections didn't come out right, things were wrong at the core of the house.

Shift gears to house #2 ... a wow! house ... incredible rock outcroppings, amazing deck but a true fixer.  A bank-owned property, there was nothing speedy about this process except my own pushing to get it done.  But it was stop and go.  Put in papers and wait.  Put in papers and wait again.  My patience thinned and frustration thickened. 

Two nights ago, out of sheer frustration, I prowled through the MLS listings to see if anything new had shown up and there were a couple of new things and one sounded interesting but there weren't any pictures available.  The next morning the bank finally responded with a counter-offer that was where we had been two weeks ago.  I was frustrated and irritated but ready to accept the offer because I was so tired of the process ... and, after all, it was a wow! house ... or at least it would be after much money and time went into the remodel.

On more of a whim than anything else, I suggested to my agent that we see these other two properties before we did the acceptance paperwork and she agreed.  Enter house #3 ... an aaaahhhhh! house.  Not spectacular, not a wow! but comfortable with six lovely outdoor living areas ... and the price is right and no remodeling necessary.  We turned in an offer on house #3 and it was accepted in 3 hours.

I think I'm going to try a little harder to believe in the unseen perfection that surrounds us. And, remember David Whyte's words, "What you can plan is too small for you to live."

The Fog of Fear

This morning my blog sister Louise (Recover Your Joy) took me to a new place with a quote and story about Florence Chadwick ...

"Look, I'm not excusing myself, but if I could have seen land I might have made it."
-- Florence Chadwick, explaining why she gave up her goal of being the first woman to swim from Catalina to the coast of California one-half mile from her objective.  July, 1952.  Two months later she achieved her goal in the same icy waters with the same fog that obscured the coast but with the understanding that land was there, it was just her fear that was obscuring it.

If I could have seen land ...  If I only knew that where I'm trying to go was within my reach, I could keep going.  But, isn't that always the case when we're trying something new or stretching into something where we can't see the end?  Fear is always the fog between us and our objective. Life is about continuing on through that fog.  Doing what we know we need to do, depending on the muffled voices telling us to keep on, that we're doing fine, somehow holding the picture of the distant shore in our mind and just keeping on.

When the fog of fear fills me, I think back to Dory in Nemo who repeats over and over ... "Just keep swimming.  Just keep swimming."  But swimming is clear, a physical activity ... you know when you're doing it.  It's in the murky depth of relationships and our spiritual development where we often lose our bearings.  What do we just keep doing?  What is the shore we've lost sight of?  Are we headed in the right direction or swimming south toward San Diego instead of directly toward Los Angeles?  The fog of fear creeps in on these uncertainties and we have to shake our heads and ask, once again, once again, Who am I?  What do I stand for?  Where am I headed? What should I be doing?

I am lost in the fog about a family situation where one person is hurting other people I care about.  I have a small piece of leverage that I can use to ... possibly ... make him do the right thing.  It would create great anger if I should choose to exercise that leverage ... and most likely would not create the desired end.  My thoughts, though, are filled with the heroic effort and the triumphant results and, admittedly, some satisfaction at having a bit of power in a relationship where I have always been powerless.  But what is the shore I've lost sight of?

I always want love to be my shore so I ask myself:  what is the loving thing to do?  Unfortunately, the answer is muddled and mixed.  Loving to whom?  Him or the people he's hurting?  I can feel the fog creeping in obscuring the shore.  I want to ask someone to pull me out of the icy water and wrap me in a warm towel.  If I could only see land ...


Over the years, I've used a set of Rumi cards as a source of wisdom and have been amazed by their guidance.  So rather than end this post with the previous paragraph as I was tempted to, I drew a warning card and received the following advice ... a "warning" card:

Support patiently the disagreements inflicted by ignorant men.
Fight against fools and you make the matters worse:  Keep calm.

Stay calm ... that I can do.  And, a weight rolls away as I realize that it's not my job to make someone else live up to his better nature.  My job is just to live up to mine.

Push Through

I've been transcribing interviews for the Minarets High School* video for the past few days.  It is tedious work since I've heard the interviews before when we were doing the actual filming.  But it has to be done before I can find the 10 minutes of script that will come out of the almost 9 hours of audio.  I have to take it in chunks and set the timer to force myself to do a certain amount of time before taking a break.

Yesterday the voice of a young student broke through the almost rote transcription. Cheyrese is a sophomore afflicted with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis that struck her about three years ago.  Since then she has been in and out of hospitals, isolated and home schooled, and forced to relearn how to walk.  Her journey continues as she faces more surgery, more pain and more challenges.  But this is what I listened to her say yesterday when we asked her if she had anything else she wanted to tell people:

"If you do have something like this, just don't give up on yourself.  Don't make it seem like the end of the world will happen, because it won't.  As long as you push through and you do what you think you're supposed to do, you stay in school or go to college or anything, you're going to make it.  I'm not going to lie ... there are going to be bad days but everybody has bad days.  But if you can push through your bad days, then that can motivate people to push through any of their bad days." 

Push through.  How simple but how wise.  At least for today, when things might not look as rosy as I'd like, I'm going to remember those words.  If Cheyrese can push through, surely I can.

About the image:  Minarets High School.  * For any of you interested in learning more about what's going on in schools these days, you might want to look at the other blog I'm writing.  There are some great sparks of hope out there.  Perhaps, just perhaps, they will soon form a great beacon.  For more information about Minarets and other new school models, please go to http://reimagineschool.com.