Posttraumatic Growth

This was a new concept for me and I was interested to see how much work is being done in this area.  The excerpt below is taken from a write up from the Psychology Department, UNC Charlotte.  As the authors state, just because there is growth, does not mean the suffering is lessened but perhaps we can learn to use trauma to stimulate growth rather than treating it as a wholly negative event.

What is posttraumatic growth? It is positive change experienced as a result of the struggle with a major life crisis or a traumatic event. Although we coined the term posttraumatic growth, the idea that human beings can be changed by their encounters with life challenges, sometimes in radically positive ways, is not new. The theme is present in ancient spiritual and religious traditions, literature, and philosophy. What is reasonably new is the systematic study of this phenomenon by psychologists, social workers, counselors, and scholars in other traditions of clinical practice and scientific investigation.

What forms does posttraumatic growth take? Posttraumatic growth tends to occur in five general areas. Sometimes people who must face major life crises develop a sense that new opportunities have emerged from the struggle, opening up possibilities that were not present before. A second area is a change in relationships with others. Some people experience closer relationships with some specific people, and they can also experience an increased sense of connection to others who suffer. A third area of possible change is an increased sense of one’s own strength – “if I lived through that, I can face anything”. A fourth aspect of posttraumatic growth experienced by some people is a greater appreciation for life in general. The fifth area involves the spiritual or religious domain. Some individuals experience a deepening of their spiritual lives, however, this deepening can also involve a significant change in one’s belief system.

Ordinary Miracles

Diane Walker is an ordinary miracle whose words, images and dedication to her spiritual practice grace the Internet and the lives of all of us who follow her work.  Here's an opportunity to spend 23-minutes with her ... it's like have warm honey poured over your soul and worth every second of the time.  And don't miss Diane's blog Contemplative Photographer.

Don't Pick Him Up

I've been particularly blessed the past few days to read books written by two friends.  When I was a young girl in Kansas with my nose stuck almost permanently in a book, I never dreamed that I would someday know people who actually wrote books ... it was simply incomprehensible.

There is a special joy in reading a book written by someone you know, a poignant connection to the stories, a familiar ring to the rhythm and words, a reminder of things known and an introduction into corners unknown.  The one I just finished is by my friend Jerry McNellis and his mother, Helen McNellis, a very young 98-year-old.  The book, "Don't pick him up" is the story of the McNellis family dealing with Jerry's polio which he contracted in 1946 at age 3.

It was early in the epidemic which would spread fear across the land for a decade as hundreds of thousands of children and families were changed forever.  The title comes from the doctor's advice when Jerry came home after four months in the hospital ... "Don't pick him up."  Let him fall and let him find his own way to get up.  Imagine being a mother watching your three-year-old child struggle, fall, injure himself and never allowing yourself to pick him up, resisting the urgent desire to help him.

The book is written as excerpts from interviews Jerry did with his mother, three brothers, other family members and doctors.  Its straight-forward, unembellished telling adds a starkness and immediacy to the story.  You become part of it ... part of the 17 surgeries and dozens of body-casts ... part of the endless doctor visits, hospital stays, home exercise routines ... but, mostly you get to watch the development of a soaring spirit that never saw disability, just a need to do things in a different way.  Jerry played football, rigged a contraption that allowed him to ice-skate, climbed trees ... and fell out of them ... with a cast on ... danced, dreamed and lived life on his own terms.

One of the things that drew me to Jerry was the way he approached things.  If he was going to do something, he was going to do it in a way uniquely his and in a way that would delight others.  He always found a way to add a deliciousness to everything.  We met not long after his first marriage ended and a few years later he was ready to find his new life partner.  He embarked on that project with that same spirit of joy, creativity and an eye for fun.  Every once in a while we would talk and he would tell me stories about dates he arranged ... they were all so creative and funny that I finally told him he had to stop.  Every woman he went out with was going to fall in love with him and he'd never be able to choose the right one.  But he didn't stop and he did choose just the right one.

Jerry McNellis is one of the most remarkable people I know.  After reading his book, I have to add his mom to that list.  And, I'm not sure ... but this may be the best parenting book I know of.  One of the stories Jerry shares is how he and his three brothers were talking at a family gathering and somehow the subject of "who's mom's favorite" came up.  Each one of the brothers swore vehemently that he was his mom's favorite and were amazed when they found out that each of the others were also sure that they were the favorite.  What a woman.

More about Jerry and his work at: http://www.mcnellisco.com/

Every Good-bye

I was only going to do one post on Maureen Doallas' collection of poetry, Neruda's Memoirs, but she called me back with her opening to Section III Exit:

Every good-bye is a provocation, an invitation to witness and ending and claim it aloud.

Without wanting to, I was thrown into her words.
Without wanting to, I was writing my own claim.
Without wanting to, I wrote:

Silence

What I awoke to was the sound of silence.

Absolute silence.

And yet it wasn't silent,

The whoosh-thunk of the

oxygen machine still

filled the room.

The sound of morning

birds speckled the

new dawn air.

Only one sound was missing

but that 

one

piece missing

engulfed

all others,

changed life into

before and after,

broke the world

into pieces present and 

missing

left me

listening,

waiting childlike

for it to come

back,

please.

Neruda's Memoirs

Maureen Doallas in Section II of her new book of poetry,  Neruda's Memoirs, states:

Picasso once said, "To draw is to shut your eyes and sing."  To write poetry,  I would say, is to close your eyes and listen."

For a very long time, I knew to close my eyes but could not make the listening work.

The pain of loving what too soon would end, broke open her listening and poetry poured out of her ... into her blog ... into this beautiful new collection published by T.S. Poetry Press.


One of the many poems I treasure is shared below:

"What I really like

is how words

aren't needed

to hold in mind

the slant the sun takes

when it pitches

a fit

of rays on the sea

at dusk

or the cut-through line

at the horizon's edge

once you've pulled back

and turned

for one last look

at the world

you've traveled to

and through

to reach home.

New Book Adventure

Book:  Dragon Country ... an adventure in transforming your life.

Action:  Please go to http://dragoncountrybook.com to get your free video synopsis and vote for me.

Sometimes you turn a corner and hardly notice it until months or years later when you look back and say, "Wow, it all started with ...."  This time I turned a corner and knew it immediately as I was sucked into whirlwind.  It started innocently enough ... just another email invitation, one of many.  But, timing is everything and apparently it was the right time even though I was already on the late side and would have to run to catch up.

The invitation was to enter the Hampton Roads "Top Self-Help Author" competition.  I had noted their earlier "spiritual author" competition and enjoyed voting for several of the candidates so when this email landed, it was like all the cherries lined up on the slot machine and said, "This is it."  It's more than just a competition ... it's also 4 and a half months of teleconferences and information about how to publish in the new world we're in where publishers say, "Once you've written a book, you're 5% done."  (The rest is marketing.)

Joining the competition meant immediately making a video pitch and putting up a mini-website.  How simple those words sound.  Fortunately a friend could help me with the website but I was on my own with the video and it pushed every button I have and threw me into meltdown at least a dozen times over the past week and a half.  The learning curve was virtually perpendicular and I kept falling off ... finally I had a draft and a coach to give me feedback.  He said I was about "half there" so I started over. 

I still didn't get "there" but I do have a pitch for a book that I'm very excited about and would love to have your support.  Part of the competition is getting people to vote for us and pass along the information to their friends and relatives.  You can learn more about the book and the competition and how to vote for me at http://dragoncountrybook.com.

I am almost finished with a fun, fast video synopsis and I'd love to send it to you ... just register when you go to the website.  And, please vote.

Mary Oliver and Coleman Barks

You must marry your soul. 

That wedding is the way.

  -- Rumi

While searching for Coleman Barks reading Rumi, I found this video of Mary Oliver reading some of her poems (including Wild Geese) and being interviewed (sort of) by Coleman Barks.  I couldn't resist sharing it ... so it's sort of the encore to the Rumi/Barks Celebration.