Thursday, December 29, 2011

Calling All Women Who Have "Been There"

It's time to "circle the herd," one of our members is wounded and needs our protection while the wolves circle and the winds howl.

A woman, a blogger who gives greatly to our community, is in trouble.  It's a common story ... wounded man, caring woman, disastrous results.  (Note: the genders could easily be reversed ... wounds always seem to call to the healers within us.)  In this case, years of trying to find her way back to love through conversation and counseling have taken its toll in self-esteem and resilience and she now finds herself exhausted, financially challenged and blinded and paralyzed by the pain, abuse, and confusion.

We cannot fix her situation ... but, perhaps, by sharing our own stories, we can help her see that she will survive ... and that new joy and growth will grow in this soul soil that has been nourished by life fertilizer (sometimes called manure, sometimes something even more pungent).

What advice would you give to this woman who needs to know that there will be life after pain, that she can and will survive?  She reads this blog and will see your comments.

About this image:  "Circle of Friends"

This tiny Stonehenge was found on a beach on the central coast of California.  It reminds me of a circle of friends standing shoulder to shoulder with a tiny bit of humor peeking out.


  1. When you give your life over to another person and that person, because of drink, becomes someone else, someone you didn't bargain on, or agree to share your life with, who causes hell and havoc to rain down upon your head and destroy the life you're leading, you have but one option - pick yourself up, know you are worth a whole heck of a lot more then person who is making your present life unlivable and walk away. You can walk away with nothing - you will survive. Your 'real' friends and caring family members will jump in and help in any way they can. You will learn lessons from this experience you will never repeat and come out on the other side a much wiser, stronger woman. Or you can walk away with everything you can grab, pack up and carry! That's the best and getting a wee bit of revenge is always a good thing!

  2. ReAnn ... I love wisdom from the "been there."

  3. I too like 'been there' wisdom. For this beautiful woman I say... This too shall pass. Know you are loved. Know you Are worth more than he evefe could or would give you. Know, you did not deserve this, cause this or make ts happen.

    You are amazing - and deserve more than him or this.

  4. She'll find true friends will always show up when the going gets rough, and that their love and support and willingness to "be there" for and with her will overwhelm any obstacle thrown in her way. Taking the first step is the first step toward reassuming independence and freedom to be all she can be.

  5. Maureen ... thanks for adding to the wisdom stream!

  6. Oh my....A sister in need of advice...I have very little and what I will share doesn't sound like 1993 I was newly sober, my mother had just passed, I was going through an ugly divorc, my home was in foreclosure, and I had two children counting on me to get it together. The depression I was in was all encompassing. Two things that saved me was talking, talking, talking with trusted and supportive friends..and a gratitude list...every day five things. Sometimes it was hard to even pull up might be the sun was shining, or I had food...nothing very deep or mystical...Those two things helped me to see that I would kids would too...and that I had strength and a future.....
    I wish you speedy light...


  7. Thanks Julie for adding to the wisdom stream ... it's always means more when it comes from someone who has been there.

  8. Well since you're my Mom, you know I have been there. The thing is that happiness comes from withing. Much like a drug addict and a drug dealer relationship, so goes it with love, with one being the needy and one being the giver. The roles are intertwined...but you have to find a point where you know that nobody can love you better or "make" you happy. We are so good at abusing ourselves to the point of not feeling worthy of love or settling for just not being alone. We are willing to put up with mountains of abuse,until it becomes too much. We cant physically hand love to another, nor happiness, nor fear. These things only exist in our minds, so in our minds we must retrain to believe in joy, to believe we deserve the gift of love. IT gets better when WE realize WE are the only ones who can choose to end a situation like this and become a whole person. Only when we love ourselves can we share that gift of love. I'm celebrating 2 years of sobriety, and I would never come to understand any of this without that journey!

  9. Annie ... I look forward to your return to blogging ... you have lot to say.