Tuesday, May 10, 2022

Sweet Peace #21: Balancing Solitude and Community

Hiking a peaceful creek in Fallbrook with a friend.

The RV is in chaos, open boxes waiting for something to fit in that one last cranny, a sack for the thrift store, a few items for the kids, what can be packed away and what will I need for the next few days before the unboxing begins in a new place? Moving. One more move; perhaps the last one.

This time without a kitchen waiting presents a new set of questions, thoughts about a new way of being and how this development fits into the Sweet Peace journey. I’m moving into a dorm, albeit a dorm converted to apartments for seniors, apartments without kitchens. There is a central cafeteria and the manager has already joked about the “freshman fifteen.” I remember my own freshman bout with unlimited food, potatoes and dessert at every meal, freedom to explore and indulge. I wonder how I’ll deal with this new environment? Will I be able to hang on to Sweet Peace? It's my choice. Which reminds me of a poem:


It’s My Choice

I can let it flow.
I can turn it loose and let it go,
Or, I can work it.

I can push it, pull it, pound it,
Shove it, shape it, turn it inside out,
Or break it. I can work it.

I can form it in my hands
And make it fit my plans.
I can work it!

Or, I can let it go.
Turn it loose and let it flow.

Let it flow ...
    Let it flow ...

       Let it flow!


Of all my moves, this may be the most radical, even more than moving to Mexico. Solitude has been my norm for the past fifteen years; now I will be living with 215 close neighbors, eating communal meals, choosing to, or not to, participate in community activities. Learning how to adapt to and appreciate the community I've chosen.


The past almost-two years camped in a beautiful oak forest has been a gift, although an isolated one. I am one of the few full-time residents and days can go by without seeing anyone other than the maintenance guys who are always tending the park. I have lovely neighbors on both sides of me, but weeks go by without seeing either of them. Fortunately, telephone, internet, and zoom keep me tethered to the larger world. Now, I will be deep in community, not only my neighbors but friends and all the cultural offerings of being in Santa Barbara. How will I maintain my solitude in the midst of so much richness of community?


I put myself on the waiting list for this apartment in November and have spent the last six months dithering about whether or not I really wanted to make this move. Solitude has become familiar and comfortable. It has also bumped up against isolation which is not so comfortable. Thoughts about how long it would take for someone to find my dead body have reoccured often enough to become a macabre joke.


However, I kept taking two steps forward for every one backwards and here I am. This is the week. Friday, I drive a small U-Haul van to Friendship Manor, my new home, my new life, on the edge of the University of California Santa Barbara campus overlooking the Pacific Ocean, on an island of long-lived souls surrounded by a sea of just beginning spirits. 


Who knows what’s next on this journey.  

11 comments:

  1. I'm almost as excited about this move as if it were my own! I'm confident in your own ability to find the blend and balance that will work within the new community and with your own preferences and needs. I love solitude, dearly, but yes, since Covid, so much of that has been wrapped in isolation, and, no, that's not a healthy place to be. I hope you have a crew on the other end to help unload and then friends there or hired folks who can help you with the unpacking part of things. Yes, life without a kitchen? Certainly will save on all the gear that goes with that! Being freed of shopping, cooking, cleanup preparations might just give you a whole lot more free time to follow other passions and curiosities! Go with abandon, my friend! And good fortune protect you every step.

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    1. Thanks, Nancy ... I do have help ... however, I have severely downsized at least 3 times and now all of my worldly belongings are in this RV ... bottomline, there's not that much to pack and unpack. As someone who has moved, you might get a sense of the scope when I tell you that I'll probably have about 15 book-size boxes in total. Two chairs, one mattress ,,, if course, that means I'll be haunting consignment stores for awhile replacing the long-gone furniture. Life is definitely an adventure. ;-)

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    2. Laura ... must be moving related brain fog that I responded to your comment but used Nancy's name.

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  2. Love your writing, Joyce :) SO transparent, so real. Much Love and Best wishes

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    1. Thanks, Nancy ... I always appreciate your comments.

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    2. Joyce, I wish you well in your new endeavor. It seems that many, many people our age are wondering about what to do, where to live, whom to be with. COVID isolation has given us a new perspective and made us think what is next. I hope you have found your nirvana...but if not, you are strong enough to explore something else. We are of a generation that "can do" and "will do" what we want. Thank you for sharing so honestly about what we all are thinking. All the best. Fran

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    3. Thanks, Fran ... I guess we are the first generation to reach this point and have such a robust social media capability. It's nice to have a better sense of what's going on with our far-flung friends. Hope all is well with you.

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  3. Joyce, I LOVE the poem--and believe you are one of the most adaptable people I've ever known. You continue to start fresh wherever you are and you always find the beauty in your surroundings. Positioned in Santa Barbara sounds heavenly...and like you said, it's your choice as to how much or how little you engage. Sweet peace is yours for the taking.

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    1. Becky ... you what three words a poet always wants to hear? "Read it again." You comment was just as good. Thanks so much ... you make me feel all warm and toasty inside.

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  4. OMG - I hope you don't mind if I just copy this entire post when I finally get my ok from Friendship Manor that it's time to move-in! I am laying all this excitement and hesitancy and even a bit of fear right where it belongs, at your feet! Though I am not nearly as solitary a person as you and I'm always up for a new adventure, I too have lived alone, in a house, huge apartment or casita for the past 22 years. Even while traveling the world house and pet sitting for the past 9 years, I've only had dogs, cats, fish or chickens as roommates or close neighbors. As you say, soon I too will be living in a kitchenless (me, who loves to cook) dorm with 251 close neighbors. But at least one of them will be you! When it gets too much, we can run away screaming - together!!! Now go get settled-in and when it's finally my turn to move in, you'll be there to make my transition soooo much easier!

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  5. ReAnn ... Looking forward to the day when your humor and adventurous self joins the mix!

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